Ik wíl geen homo zijn!

Geen keus

Zou je het erg vinden als je homo zou zijn?
Ik wel vroeger, en dus wilde ik die vraag niet stellen aan mezelf.
Niet over nadenken.
Ik wíl geen homo zijn en dus bén ik geen homo!
Was het maar waar…
Je hebt geen keus.
Je bent homo of je bent het niet.

Zo ben je geboren

Als je geen homo bent, zul je het ook niet worden.
Als je wél homo bent, kun je proberen dat te ontkennen,
kun je je gaan gedragen alsóf je hetero bent,
maar vroeg of laat kom je er achter
dat je bezig bent jezelf kapot te maken.

Ik vond het vreselijk toe te moeten geven dat ik homo ben.
Het heeft lang geduurd voordat ik dat accepteerde van mezelf.
Ik had het idee dat ik iemand móést zijn, die ik niet wílde zijn.

Ja, als je zo tegen jezelf aankijkt, is homo-zijn erg.
Dan maak je het voor jezelf heel moeilijk.

Ik had een psycholoog nodig om me duidelijk te maken
waar mijn depressiviteit vandaan kwam.

Nu denk ik: was ik maar eerder eerlijk geweest tegen mezelf…
Ik weet het: beter laat dan nooit, maar toch…

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